An otter PvP story

Imagine you learnt to wrap otters in carpets solely by playing against a carpet-wrapping computer. The computer plays quite well, but you learn by playing him often, and get bored of playing such a predictable opponent. You decide to go to some place where other people wrap otters in carpets, so as to be able to play against more intelligent opponents and to have more fun.

Eager with your new plan you turn up at the place so early that there is no other human around. To pass the time you start wrapping an otter in a portable carpet. You're half-way through wrapping the otter when the first other player arrives, unrolls your carpet, and reveals sixteen otters of his own. But you've only brought one otter, and with sixteen against one your opponent wraps more otters easily.

You come back for a second game against the same opponent, this time sixteen versus sixteen otters and thus more fair. Only your opponent is using a magnetic carpet and iron otters, which he holds in his hands and starts running and jumping around with it. As it is Blitz otter-wrapping-in-carpet, and you only have a certain time to smother the otter, sometimes you simply don't manage to run and jump after him fast enough, so he makes it to the ice cream factory quicker than you do and wins again.

You see some other players arriving, and with your first opponent being so obnoxious you decide to play against them. Only they number three and can each wrap a different part of the otter at any one time. Three against one, you lose again. You retreat into a corner where you see a single lone player and offer to play him. Only it turns out the guy is grandmaster Melmoth, who not only beats you easily, but then proceeds to use his otter wrapped in a carpet as a kite.

You flee the scene, but on the way out get ambushed by a rogue otter wrapper in hiding, who do exist, really! He manages to wrap ten otters in a single carpet before you can even wrap your first, then stuns you and wraps another otter, running off to the ice cream factory before you even wrapped your first otter. You finally make it out the door and decide to never wrap otters in carpets against real humans again. Playing against a computer is obviously much better.

This is what PvP is like. It's madness, MADNESS I SAY!

Posted in Personal |
Tags: parody, stupid analogy